Conflict Management in Creative Environments

by Robin Havens-Parker

Arghhhh…..Please don’t send me to another Conflict Management Workshop!

I have been required to attend conflict management workshops for various employers throughout the years. I HATE them! The rhetoric….. “I hear what you are saying…” repeating back so our conversation partner understands they have been heard… always felt pedantic and superficial. But worse yet, I HATE conflict – I am the avoider, the one who wants everyone to be happy and for no one to be upset. Completely unrealistic, I realize, but in my Pollyanna pretend universe it is what I want!

I know for me personally, if someone offers me even a small correction in a condescending or angry tone of voice my ability to receive that information is minimal, and I react in-kind, and the situation escalates emotionally.

In keeping with one of my all-time favorite Eleanor Roosevelt quotes, “You must do the thing you think you cannot do”, I decided to face my fear head-on and dove headfirst into conflict management research. This culminated in my masters’ thesis looking at artistic personalities and conflict management in creative environments.

Here are just a few things I’ve learned;

We MUST change the way we think about conflict!: How we think about conflict directly influences the way we approach it.

Conflict Creates Energy: We NEED conflict to create our art, to move forward and to keep life interesting! HOWEVER, conflict does not have to be a negative experience. I believe we can learn to share a dialogue over conflicting opinions in a respectful and creative way and walk away without collateral damage. In actuality, these conversations create stronger relationships in the process. Learning to disagree and discuss those disagreements effectively is a skill that will change our life and boost our creative collaborations.

Robin Havens-Parker

Most of the time it’s not the ‘WHAT’ it is the ‘HOW’ that causes the problem: As creative personalities, we understand – Presentation is everything! The 7/38/55 “rule” states that 7% of what we communicate in an emotional conversation is communicated in our actual words, 38% is communicated in tone of voice and 55% is communicated through body language. Although the actual percentages are debated, the premise is very intriguing. Think about that! I know for me personally, if someone offers me even a small correction in a condescending or angry tone of voice my ability to receive that information is minimal, and I react in-kind, and the situation escalates emotionally. However, when approached in a kind and respectful manner, I feel valued in the exchange, I feel safe to share my views, and the foundation is set for an honest dialogue.

So what is the difference between what I have learned and those workshops I came to dread? For me it is about ‘intent’. It’s not about looking like we are really listening; it’s about REALLY listening! The authors of the book “Crucial Conversations” challenge us to 3 questions when faced with a conflict;

1) What do I want for myself?

2) What do I want for others?

3) What do I want for this relationship?

This isn’t about what we want in the sense of the conflict (I’m right/you’re wrong) – but what we want ultimately – to grow, to produce the best possible creative endeavor, and to build lasting relationships.

Let us go forth and create, collaborate and celebrate the divergent ideas that increase our collective creativity!!

Robin Havens-Parker is currently Director of Marketing of Mount Vernon Community Children’s Theater, Marketing Chair for The Little Theater of Alexandria, and a board member of the Alexandria Arts Forum, responsible for marketing and communications. Her award-winning masters thesis focused on the many elements and solutions of an issue that faces many arts organizations like yours! For further information on her workshops, she can be contacted at creativeconflictmng@gmail.com